A Month of Mays: May We Forgive Our Physical Weakness
In my previous post about bullying, I touched briefly on forgiving yourself for being weak. I believe accepting your physical weakness is a topic that deserves its own post.
From the stand point of our survival instincts, being labeled as weak is fatal. Some animal moms will reject a baby that appears to be too weak to survive. Predators aim for the weakest in the herd to attack. The mammalian parts of us remember that maintaining our physical strength is a matter of life and death.
This has translated into our negative cultural perception of physical weakness in both sexes. There’s a very detrimental bias toward physical strength in men, who are traditionally seen as “the protector”. Men who do not fit the “big, tall, and muscular” ideal are often subject to bullying and discrimination. Women, labeled “the weaker sex”, have also been second level citizens for centuries.
Recognize the Cultural Influence Within Yourself
As a female less than 5 feet tall, I’ve had many instances when I felt undermined and looked down upon. I could allow those memories to return and bother me again. But more than that, when I really delve into my feelings about physical weakness, I find anger and disappointment within myself. Anger that I allowed myself to believe that I’m somehow “less than” due to my size and sex. Disappointment that I kept me down, not even giving me a chance to try. And most importantly, frustration that I used my weakness as an excuse not to act.
If you were subjected to bullying, hazing, physical or mental abuse, you might be unconsciously angry that you were unable to protect yourself. That you made yourself a target to start with. Then you must work on forgiving yourself for your own sake. I realized this when I actually received an apology from someone for an incident that really hurt me emotionally. Even though I felt the apology was sincere, and I accepted it in the moment, I felt the resentments creeping back only days later. It confused me. I thought I received the apology that I wanted, and I’d be able to put things behind me. But after delving deep within my heart, I realized the apology I wanted was from me. I wanted me to say, “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to protect you. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to say no.” Once I acknowledged my weakness and forgave myself for it, the resentments toward the other person dissipated too.
Physical Weakness Is Not a Sin
On the contrary, physical weakness is a blessing from a wider world view. People who are physically weak gives others the opportunity to demonstrate their kindness and generosity. Even if you’re bed-ridden, you are still contributing to society. Healthcare workers are getting paid because of you. Everything you consume had to be made and shipped by people all around the world. They are able to support their families because of you. Each interaction you have with another living being is an opportunity to learn for both parties, so you being you is enough.
I’ve also learned to see my small size as a good thing. I generally consume less resources simply because I’m smaller, which is good for the environment. Apparently, as the planet’s population continues to grow, we’ll need people to be physically smaller in order to sustain everyone. I like to think that I’m just ahead of the curve! ???? And of course, just because I’m physically weaker than others doesn’t mean that I don’t have strengths in other areas. I can excel in areas where physical strength is not a major factor.
In the end, it’s up to us to turn our own weaknesses into our strengths. As I keep saying, reframing is an essential skill in bringing more self-acceptance and self-love into your life.