Here’s to the Hearts that You’re Gonna Break
“Here’s to the hearts that you’re gonna break” – an excerpt from the song Have It All by Jason Mraz
This is a sentiment that I would never have been able to understand when I was graduating high school. The idea of hurting someone’s feelings, first of all, would have been reprehensible. And then to celebrate it? To toast the person that you hurt? There just was no way I would’ve understood any of that!
But now, I get it. I understand, thanks to the young man who will soon be graduating high school. The one who made me a mother and taught me so much of what I know now.
Growing up, I had countless moments when I was hurt by what someone said or did to me, that I always saw the situation through the eyes of the victim. I don’t think I’m alone in this, but my own mother was the easiest target for this kind of thinking. But it wasn’t just her. I would observe the mothers of the world, and I judged them based on the behaviors of their children. I made mentals notes of what not to do if I ever became a mom.
Once I actually became a mom, I learned very quickly what a fool I was. No matter how hard tried, I just couldn’t avoid hurting my kids’ feelings. Sometimes, your kids will interpret your words differently than you had intended them. At other times, you are so exhausted physically and mentally, that you lose your ability to check yourself. There also are times you have to be brutally honest to get the message across, even though you know the words would be tough to hear. I absolutely hate how terribly easy it is to break your own child’s heart.
Seeing through this new lens, I can see my mom wasn’t trying to hurt me on purpose. I can see that all the moms of the world are just trying to do the best they can. I know now, how much thought and courage it took to say the words that I needed to hear. And, that my mom’s heart was breaking while watching my own heart breaking.
We all learn through mistakes and heart breaks. No matter what we’d like to believe, we are never just a victim. We are in debt to those around us who let us make mistakes and allowed us to break their hearts. These are truly special people. And they deserve our heartfelt gratitude.